60 Ways to Keep your Wife’s Love

shabbat shalom lakh,

Here’s a really great one I found in an Islamic Internet forum and that can be seen at utube. And dear men reading this: Not being a Muslim is not a good excuse, have a read through that and you might happen to learn something you didn’t know (or kept yourself from knowing) until now:

1. Make her feel secure and sakinah – don’t threaten her with divorce
2. Give sincere salaams
3. Treat her gently – like a fragile vessel
4. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere
5. Be generous with her
6. Warm the seat for her, you will warm her heart
7. Avoid anger, keep wudu at all times
8. Look good and smell great for your wife
9. Don’t be rigid or harsh-hearted or you will be broken
10. Be a good listener
11. Yes for flattery, No for arguing
12. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, names she loves to hear
13. Utilize pleasant surprises
14. Preserve and guard the tongue
15. Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings
16. Give sincere compliments
17. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family
18. Speak about topics that interest her
19. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is
20. Give each other gifts
21. Get rid of routine, surprise her
22. Have a good opinion of each other
23. Have good manners, overlook small things, don’t nitpick
24. Add a drop of patience, increase drops during pregnancy, menses
25. Expect and respect her jealously
26. Be humble
27. Sacrifice your happiness for hers
28. Help at home and with housework
29. Help her love your relatives, but don’t try to force her
30. Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you
31. Remember your wife in dua
32. Leave the past for Allah subhanahu wa ta ala, don’t dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
33. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family
34. Take shaytaan as your enemy, not your wife
35. Put food in your wife’s mouth
36. Treat your wife like she is the most precious pearl that you want to protect
37. Show her your smile
38. Don’t ignore the small things, deal with them before they become big
39. Avoid being harsh-hearted
40. Respect and show that you appreciate her thinking
41. Help her to find and build her inner strengths and skills
42. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within halal boundaries
43. Help her take care of the children
44. Give her gifts with your tongue, be an artist with your compliments
45. Sit down and eat meals together
46. Let her know that you will be traveling or returning from travel, give her sufficient notice
47. Don’t leave home in anger
48. Maintain the secrecy and privacy of the home
49. Encourage each other in ibaadat
50. Respect and fulfill her rights upon you
51. Live with her in kindness, goodness, fairness in good and bad times
52. Kiss your wife, foreplay, “Don’t jump on her like a bull”
53. Keep disputes between the two of you, don’t take it outside
54. Show care for her health and well-being
55. Remember you are not always right or perfect yourself
56. Share your happiness and sadness with her
57. Have mercy for her weaknesses
58. Be a firm support for her to lean on
59. Accept her as is, she is a package deal
60. Have a good intention for her

In Paganism, by the by, there is a Celtic tradition in which a marriage is valid only for four years and the ceremony needs to be repeated – traditionally at Beltaine – after four years. Else the partners are free to leave and, if they want, look for another mate. The idea being that four years after the marriage children are supposed to be big enough for the woman to be able to make it on her own and that no marriage should be kept by any kind of force but rather by the partners truly and deeply loving each other and enjoying their life with each other. And frankly: What could be more beautiful then marrying the man (or woman) you love again and again and again?

In Shi’ite Islam there is a kinda similar way of getting married, Muta’a, also referred to as pleasure marriages and posing a huge problem especially in Iraq where they used to be illegal under Husein and are now being abused for halal, religiously legal, prostitution where the wife has hardly any rights while the man has all of them. Yet the concept of a contracted mid- or short-term marriage indeed is interesting. It means husband and wife can make a valid contract that enables them to live together according to Islamic law and adding the agreements they made – e.g. no physical contact – later on they may choose to turn Muta’a into a “conventional” long term marriage. A practice which is used a lot within the community of religious Shi’ites living in Europe so that they can get what every secular European has: A time of sharing the other ones live without already having made a final commitment.

According to Patti Wigington and an article at the Modesto Bee Pagan weddings are increasing in popularity lately in America – whilst in other parts of the world it still is a legal problem to get a pagan wedding. In Austria a wedding needs to be done by a civil servant, mostly in the local town hall once – yet those are mostly open to suggestions as regards the ceremony which traditionally is rather small – and then, traditionally yet not obligatory, before the god of your choice (e.g. a Christian, Jewish, Islamic, Pagan … marriage). Once for the files and once for the faith so to say which I guess is a rather neat idea and lived secularism.

Israel’s policy on marriage is a little less open minded. In fact in recent years tourism to Cyprus for marriages has become common for in Israel you can only be married by a Rabbi (or Imam or Christian Priest). Period. If neither of them agrees in the marriage (e.g. if the fiancées are of different religions) you are into troubles and cannot get married in Israel. So if for instance I wanted to marry a Jewish man I’d face two choices: 1. convert to Judaism 2. marry outside Israel. But hopefully even Israel will open up to a multireligious world one day when it is not so paranoid about intermarriage anymore and people have really and deeply realized that Jews are no endangered people anymore (which might not be before a final peace which might take another decade … or century).

love,

Migdalit

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